Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sometimes i think it's a sin when i feel like i'm winning when i'm losing again

so gordon lightfoot one of my favorite writers.

I tell lies. alot i'm good at it. I'm tried of it. I won't come clean to all but to those it maters it's always on their face they knew the whole time.

I see it as a game. Me against the truth. the more i strech it  the more points for me. the more i get others to believe the better. If i show i beleive what i say it dosn't matter if it's truth they know i beleive it is which puts doubt in their heads as to what i say. constant keeping to the same lies has made most beleive me, those who think i'm lieing wonder as to what i'm lieing about when befor they were sure.

Somepeople dig their own grave. I think i've dug hole the size of a lake by now and filled it my lies. I dream that i'm at the bottom of the lake trying to swim through my lies to the surface. the moon shinny down my only light. With it i fight to the top every night. But when i reach the top the sun beats fericly down and i swim scared back to the bottom. it's to cold at the bottom to stay and i see things if i sit there to long so i swim back to the surface. it's always a longer trip up then down.

Friday, November 20, 2009

a plan that back fires part 1

Materials:
Myself

Hockey Chick (what can i say she did play a mean game of it, Rugby too)

3 months of time

High School Rumour mill

At work right now the area of the parking lot where people smoke is blocked in by snow, you can only get in though the store. Myself and some guys from work were talking one day about different ways of braking up with a girl. Apparently mine was the worst and because i have time and nothing better to do I'm going to give the longer version, not the full mind you, i don't know it....

So I had just started a new school, (no real surprise for a while it was a different school every month....) and this time it's a bum start. I'm 2 grades behind my age, so they are hitting graduation year and I'm stuck in ten. Friends? the foreign exchange student and Runt...

Runt introduced me to his friends and then kindly asked me to go away.... So i spent the day smoking at the school's pit... end of the day rolls around I sat outside by Runt and his friends seen as we were waiting for the same bus home and read off to the side. Runt's Friends grow to larger group till i get absorbed and am sitting beside a cute brown haired girl very talkative. Had a set of Boobs that screamed over developed...

After awhile me and her became almost attached. It was weird, the girl sliped her hand in mind after acouple of weeks and tells me we are a couple. not many trust me with that kinda thing, left to myself all put off asking a girl for years. i'd put this off 2 months so she made my mind for me...

She was stright forward, to the point and honest, in her own way. had to find out the hard way how old she was.

Febuwary comes around and that's when i'm asked to the office at school. Frist yelling, second silence, third me asking why the yelling? The princpal explains that it would be wrong for a 50 year old to date a 20 year old. I ask how that applies to what. fillanly realiseing i have no clue at what he's talking about he pulls out my file and pulls out Her file. opens them both to the frist page and blocks everything on hers but name and date.

I was born in 1986, She was born in 1992 (if i rember correctly). Apearently the school frowns on this.

The princpal tells me under the sercumstances me and him should have a (and i qoute cuase this i remeber well) 'Man-to-Man talk about the birds and the bees' which really ment me spending an hour convinveing him i would do anything till she was ready (always been my opoin, let them make the frist move, i'm lazy). Had to explain a million things to him about myself, but what finnally convinced him i think is when i told him about scouts. odd that, considering what went on at the camps i went to, he should have been worried.

So i'm unsure what i should do by the end of this all. I'm way to old for her at that time (it being highschool 6 years is huge) was my frist thought, How mature she was my second, wondering what the crap i should do.
 
and that seems like a good point to end the frist bit of this, i started this back in febuary but just still can't the end out right but this nags at me. so i'm puting the frist half